Replace Anger With Empathy
by Brenton G. Yorgason
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Anger, one of the seven "deadly sins," is one of the most negative emotions we experience. Feelings of intense frustration, displeasure, antagonism, ire, wrath, or indignation result in outbursts that casue pain.

Anger and fear are twin emotions. They produce a similar bio-chemical state in the body. When angry, you are usually filled with an underlying fear. Anger sabotages relationships and causes us to withdraw and retreat. It castigates intimacy and causes sorrow.

You may think that your anger is justified; however, the heat of battle is not the time to evaluate who is right and who is wrong. It is the moment to take "time out," to regain emotional control.

When angry or upset, your blood pressure rises, and you enter into a "flooded" emotional state. You then have little control over your behavior. Your ability to think rationally vaporizes. It takes about 20 mintes for your blood pressure to return to normal. Chronic flooding creates an almost constant state of anger directed at various people, problems, conditions, or situations. You eventually enter into "anger lock." At this point, your anger can't be contained. It engulfs your entire world. Like a raging fire, it consumes everyone and everything in its path.

Words spoken in anger often leave scars that last a lifetime. Physical and emotional abuse occurs, shortening the life-span of a relationship. Sadly, many people believe that expressing anger is natural and even healthy. Indeed, an angry expression is sometimes necssary. But not normally, especially toward those we love. The truth is, "getting something off our chest" rarely settles anything. Instead, every time we have an ouburst, such a behavior becomes easier to repeat.

Anger, however, can be managed, if you work at it. You can find positive ways to release your anger. You can replace destructive outbursts with gentle responses. You can form new rejoinders and new habits. You can replace anger lock with anger release, negative feelings with positive, or at least different, emotions. Since the anger you lock up inside is usually of greater intensity when you "unlock" or express it, you need to transform the anger you feel as soon as you recognize it. One good way to displace your anger is to see the struggle that the other person is encountering. Empathy enables you to expel anger from your thoughts and replace it with gentle acts of kindness, purpose, peace, and understanding.

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